Consequences
by gsrfan1
Summary: After getting beaten up be Zoe's dad, Ray decides to drown his sorrows and ends up with more than a hangover, teaching him that all actions have consequences.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Consequences

Author: gsrfan

Disclaimer: I do not own Ray, Neela or anything associated with ER.

Summary: Post 'Zoe' fic. Angst /Romance.

After getting beaten up by Zoe's dad, Ray tries to drown his sorrows, and ends up with more than a hangover, teaching him that all actions have consequences.

Rating: T (first chapter contains mild violence)

**A/N: Ray may seem slightly out of character in this first chapter, but that's the point, he's drunk therefore not acting like himself. This is quite a short story this time, only 7 chapters long, I don't like it as much as my last one, but you can't win them all. Hope you guys like it anyway.**

Chapter 1

"Fourteen!" Ray slurred again as the empty shot glass slipped from his hand. The barman looked down at him and shook his head, with no idea what he was talking about.

"How could I be so stupid?" he mumbled looking at his bruised knuckles as he tapped his glass on the bar.

The barman shook his head, "Sorry man, we're closing and you've had more than enough for one night."

"What?" Ray asked, "It's early yet."

"I'm gonna call you a cab," the barman said ignoring Ray's protests, "do you remember where you live?"

"With Neela." Ray slurred, a slight smile on his face as he pictured her, his smile turning into a frown as he remembered the last time she had seen him. She was standing over him while he pretended to be ok, embarrassed and ashamed that she had to see him like this.

"Could you be a little more specific buddy? I don't know any Neela's."

'I like Neela, she's nice," Ray rambled, "and _she's_ not fourteen." He said resting his head on the bar and passing out.

"Great." The barman said surveying the guy in front of him, "so much for an easy night."

He rounded the bar and held Ray up with one arm while he looked for his wallet with the other. Ray stirred slightly as the barman grazed his bruised ribs, but didn't notice what was going on, which was good considering his state of mind, he didn't need another fight that night.

Putting Ray back down against the bar he found his drivers license and his address.

"Okay buddy, let's get you home."

XXXX

"We're here," the cab driver called to the unconscious form in the back of his cab,

"Hey," he said getting out and nudging him, "this is your stop."

Ray squinted and mumbled something that should have sounded like thanks before stepping out of the cab. The rush of fresh air sobering him up a little, but he was still on the wrong side of wasted.

"Don't worry about the money," the cab driver said, "it's been dealt with."

Ray dug his hands into his pockets and found his keys as he walked towards the door, he fell against it as he tried he tried to unlock it. A good five minutes later he was heading towards his apartment door, he opened this one with a bit more ease but tripped over his stuff and fell onto the floor.

The noise woke Neela who hadn't really been asleep, she'd been to busy worrying about Ray, he had refused her help and just disappeared.

"Ray?" she called out as she saw a figure on the floor.

"Ugh." Ray grunted as he tried to pick himself up.

"Here, let me help you," Neela said putting a hand under his arm,

He pushed her back, the alcohol giving him false confidence, "I can do it."

Neela just leant down to help him again, "Sure you can." She smiled, taking in his drunken state.

"Let's get you to bed." She said walking him towards his room,

"Good idea roomie," he said flirtatiously, pushing her against a wall, finding his strength again now that he was standing.

Neela just stared in his eyes, unable to believe that Ray was standing so close to her. At any other time this would have made her melt, but she knew this wasn't real, he didn't want her, the alcohol did. A fact she was reminded of as he breathed fumes all over her, she was surprised she hadn't gotten drunk off of them.

"Very funny," she laughed, trying to brush him off, but even in his drunken state he was stronger than she was.

"I'm not joking," Ray said, his voice becoming heavier and less playful. The look in his eyes turning decidedly more serious.

"Ray." Neela laughed nervously pushing his hands away as he caressed her side, "this isn't funny anymore, stop it."

"Why," he asked, running a hand around her waist, and whispering into her ear, "I know you want this too."

"Not like this," she whispered as she tried to move his hands away again, but he just pinned them to her sides, "You don't know what you're doing."

Ray leaned in to kiss her, all she could do was turn her head, she was trapped between him and the wall. She looked at Ray, hoping he could see the fear in her eyes and stop what he was doing. But he didn't, he released one of her hands to keep her head still as he leaned in to kiss her again,

"No," Neela said as his lips connected with hers, they weren't soft and gentle the way she had always imagined, they were rough and aggressive. His hands clawed at her shirt as she struggled.

"No Ray!" she shouted, as she was able to push him back with her free hand. Unable to believe how quickly his mood had changed, she stepped away from him and stared at the stranger before her, everything she knew about Ray missing from the man there with her.

"Whatever," Ray spat, "I didn't really want you anyway, you were just convenient. I can girls much better than you."

"You're a lousy drunk Ray." She said as she headed back to her room. The words enraged Ray and he grabbed her arm pushing her towards the sofa. Neela reached out and slapped him, causing him to push her. She stumbled and fell into the table, her left hand connecting with glasses, smashing them and slicing into her hand, her head connected with the corner of the table.

She placed her right hand on the floor and pushed herself up, wincing as blood ran into her eye, she backed away from Ray who had the decency to look slightly sorry for what he had done. He made no effort to apologise though; he just glared at her before walking away. Neela walked into the bathroom and locked the door, tears mixed with the blood on her face as she hid from her roommate, no she thought, as she hid from the monster her roommate had become.

She didn't know how long she sat there for but as she saw the blood on the floor she snapped out of her daze and began to attend to her injuries. She looked in the mirror and tried to understand what had happened. How could someone usually so gentle just change like that? Was it really Ray who had done this to her or just the alcohol making him act differently? She wanted to believe it was the second option; she wanted to believe that the real Ray couldn't act like that.

As she headed back to her room, she glanced back at Ray's room, hoping that the Ray she had encountered tonight wasn't the one she would find in the morning.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews, glad you like it. I was worried people wouldn't like whatI had made Ray do. I hope you're not too mad at him lol, but then again I hope you are because he was a very bad boy wasn't he? Let's ope you forgive him...**

Chapter 2

Ray groaned as his head pounded and stomach lurched, carefully he opened his eyes and looked around his room, which seemed to be at an odd angle, that was when he realised he must have passed out on the floor. Running a hand over the back of his neck he tried to remember how he had gotten home, all he could remember was having the crap beaten out of him and deciding to get drunk. That was only because he had bruised ribs and a killer hangover, everything else was just a blur, not a blur even, he'd need to be able to remember something in order to blur it.

His head swam as he stood up, he had to hold on to the walls to steady him as he headed to the kitchen, he walked through the living room and saw the broken glasses on the floor, he just dismissed them and assumed he must have broken them when he had stumbled home. He wasn't sure how though as he didn't seem to be cut anywhere that he already wasn't because of the fight.

Turning the tap on he went about making a strong cup of coffee, completely unaware of what he had done and said in that very room the night before. Oblivious to the roommate he had hurt and the friendship he had ruined.

XXXX

Neela came out of her room just as Ray was sitting down at the table, she froze when she saw him, not knowing whether to run away or just pretend it had never happened.

"Hey," Ray said casually, "don't suppose you have any aspirin do you?"

Neela just stood staring at him, trying to figure out which version of her roommate she was talking to this morning.

"Neela?" he called out in a singsong voice, "you okay?"

Neela headed to the bathroom without saying a word while Ray just sat in confusion.

'**Either he's a really good actor,**' Neela thought, **'or he really doesn't remember.'**

Walking in to the kitchen she put the aspirin on the table avoiding his gaze,

"Thanks," he said, dipping his head slightly to try and look in her eyes, he knew something was wrong.

That's when he saw it, the bruise by her eye and the bandage on her hand, standing straight up he crossed the kitchen and took her hand in his,

"What happened?" he asked,

Neela pulled her hand away sharply and Ray was shocked, she'd never pulled away from him before.

'**He really doesn't remember!"**

"Neela?" Ray asked as she walked away from him, his voice filled with worry.

Neela backed away as he walked towards her, she knew it was crazy to be afraid of him now that he was sober but the memory of the hateful person he had become last night was too fresh in her mind. She stayed quiet for a long time, not sure whether she should tell him what had really happened or just make something up.

"Neela, please talk to me." Ray pleaded, the worry in his voice making Neela's decision for her.

"I got up last night." She started her voice slightly shaky, "I didn't turn on the light and I fell over. It was nothing"

She felt bad for lying, but she couldn't tell the truth, she just wanted to forget it the way he had and move on.

"Are you sure?" he said walking up to her but stopped as he saw her back away again, "It doesn't seem like nothing."

'**She's hiding something'**

"I'm fine," she lied through gritted teeth, "I have to go," she said walking past him keeping as much distance as she could.

Ray reached out and took her arm, she froze and looked at him, fear returning to her eyes. Ray blinked as a flash of Neela looking at him that way before went through his mind; he let go of her arm without a word and rubbed his eyes as she walked away trying to understand what had just happened.

XXXX

"Damn Neela, what happened to you?" Morris asked in his usual tactless manner when she arrived at the ER.

"I uh…… got mugged." She lied, saying the first thing that came into her head as she was caught off guard.

"Oh god, are you okay?" Abby asked,

"Yeh, I'm fine," Neela said casually, "I just want to forget about it okay?"

"Sure," Abby said, "but if you change your mind you know where I am."

XXXX

"Abby, could you do me a favour?" Neela asked as she peered in through the door,

"Sure, what's up?" she said turning away from her passed out patient.

"Jesus Neela." she said as Neela showed her bloodstained bandage, she thought wrapping it would have been fine but she must have missed some of the glass and it wasn't healing properly. "Sit down, I'll fix you up."

"Thanks," Neela smiled,

"What really happened?" Abby asked out of the blue, she could tell Neela was hiding something.

"What do you mean?" Neela said laughing it off, trust Abby to find a flaw in her story,

"I've seen plenty of muggings Neela, this isn't one." She said cautiously, worried for her friend,

"Okay," Neela started, knowing that she couldn't hide it from her, " I lied... I didn't get mugged."

"Then what happened?" Abby asked, stitching her hand,

"I can't tell you," Neela said looking down at the floor,

"Does Ray know?" Abby asked causing Neela to look up sharply.

Abby saw the panic in her eyes and guessed the truth, although she prayed she was wrong.

"No….. he wouldn't. Would he?" Abby asked, her hands stilling from shock.

Neela just looked at her friend and remained silent, she didn't want to admit it, she didn't want Abby to blame him although she knew she would. She didn't understand what hadhappened the way she did.

"Son of a ….." Abby muttered,

"Abby, don't be mad at him. It wasn't his fault." Neela pleaded, after thinking about it all day, she had forgiven him, knowing that a sober Ray would never hurt her. She knew being drunk wasn't really an excuse, and that despite the stress of what had happened to him he shouldn't have done it, but she couldn't let one drunken mistake ruin their friendship.

**'He didn't know what he was doing'**

"You know how many battered women have told me that Neela? Too many." Abby said unable to believe that Neela was defending him.

"Abby please, you don't understand. He didn't do it on purpose…. he didn't," she added at the dubious look on Abby's face, "He was drunk, so drunk that he doesn't even remember that he did it. Please don't tell him."

"Neela….." Abby started,

"_Please_!" Neela begged, "he's not a violent person. If he ever found out, it would destroy him."

"Fine," Abby gave in, "but if anything like this ever happens again, I won't be so easily convinced."

"Thankyou," Neela said leaving the room, sighing heavily,

'**I shouldn't have said anything,'**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Sorry for the delay, my laptop had a meltdown and I lost everything. Luckily a friend had a copy of the fic, this chapter is alittle short, but the next one is a bit longer.**

Chapter 3

Ray dragged himself into the ER a few hours later, his head still pounding, he'd contemplated calling in sick, but thought better of it. If Weaver found out he was faking it she'd give him a real reason to be ill.

"Wow, you get mugged too man?" Pratt asked as he eyed Ray's bruised face,

"Nah, I got caught up in a bar fight," he lied, "who got mugged?"

"Neela," Pratt said as though it was common knowledge, "Don't tell me you didn't notice her bruises this morning."

"She said……" he stopped as he saw her, trying to understand why she would lie to him about something like that. He smiled at Abby who just glared at him,

'**What's up with this place today?'**

"Neela," he called, "Can I talk to you for a sec?"

Neela stopped and looked around her, trying to find an excuse to get out of it,

"It'll just take a minute." He said taking her by the arm and leading her to the doctor's lounge before she had a chance to protest.

"Why did you lie to me?" he asked,

"What?" Neela asked, panicking encase he had remembered what had really happened.

"Don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about. Why didn't you tell me that you got mugged?"

"Oh that." Neela said breathing a sigh of relief,

"What do you mean 'oh that'? This is serious Neela," he said not understanding her nonchalant attitude.

"That's why I didn't tell you," she said keeping up the act, desperate to be out of the room, "I knew you'd freak out like this."

"I'm not freaking out, I care about you and I don't like seeing you hurt."

Neela couldn't help but smile as she saw genuine concern in his eyes, concern that made it impossible to believe the truth about what had happened.

"Promise me, if anything like this ever happens again, you'll tell me." He said putting his hand against her arm.

As Neela felt the warmth of his skin against her, she didn't shy aware as she had before; she knew that this Ray would never intentionally hurt her. That what had happened the night before was out of his control and that it would kill him if he ever remembered.

"Promise me," he repeated as Neela continued to think,

"I promise," she smiled putting her hand over this, "Now come on, we have to go back to work."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

"Ready to go home?" Ray asked Neela as she finished her charting,

"Sure," she smiled, not afraid to let him get close to her anymore,

The El ride home was quieter than usual, Ray was trying to rest, his hangover getting the best of him and Neela was afraid to speak encase anything triggered a memory of the previous night.

"This is our stop." Neela said, nudging Ray slightly so he would open his eyes,

'_This is your stop'_

The words drifted through his head as he got up, he smiled as he remembered that he got a cab home, not only did it mean that his memory wasn't completely screwed but it explained the lack of money in his wallet when he'd checked it that morning.

"What?" Neela asked as she saw the smile on his face,

"Oh nothing, just happy that I can remember some of last night. I was worried I'd completely messed up my head. Who knows by tomorrow I might remember all of it."

"Great," Neela said forcing a smile, while chanting 'please don't remember' over and over in her head.

As they got into the apartment Ray saw the broken glasses in the living room, they'd both forgotten to clean them up.

"What actually happened here then?" he asked, not understanding how the things had gotten broken,

"Like I said," Neela improvised, "I fell over in the night."

"Funny, I didn't hear anything." He said, assuming he hadn't heard anything as he didn't remember waking up, but then again, giving the state of his memory he wasn't all that reliable.

"You were probably passed out in your room," she smiled, dying to change the subject. "Coffee?" she asked,

"Sure." He smiled, wondering why Neela was acting so cagey today. He decided to put it down to the fact that she was shaken up after what had happened; at least that's what he hoped it was.

"So what was up with Abby today? She was acting like I killed her cat or something." Ray asked,

"Don't know," Neela lied, "just having a bad day I guess. I'm gonna go to bed, I didn't sleep well last night."

"Oh okay," Ray said about to ask why but Neela had already gone.

Neela collapsed in her room, she had to get away, the strain of lying to everyone was getting to her.

'**This isn't fair," **she sighed**, 'I didn't do anything but I'm paying for it.'**

XXXX

Ray tossed and turned all night, waking up in a cold sweat when an image of Neela lying on the living room floor in pain flickered through his dreams. He shook his head and dismissed it as just a stupid dream.

He got out of bed and walked to her room, gently pushing the door open he just stood in the doorway and looked at her, an overwhelming need to make sure she was okay controlling him.

'**She's so beautiful'** he smiled, **'I just want to hold her all night.'**

Ray shook his head trying to understand where that thought had come from; last week he wouldn't have imagined anything like that.

'**Yeh, but last week you were sleeping with a fourteen year old, you jackass.' **He told himself.

When he had convinced himself that she was alright he went back to his room, hoping that he didn't have a repeat performance of his strange dream. Lying down he unconsciously hugged his pillow, images of Neela running through his mind.

XXXX

"Morning sleepyhead," Neela smiled as Ray dragged himself out of his room that afternoon, "still sleeping it off?"

"I think I'll be sleeping it off for the rest of my life, whatever _it_ was," he said, "I still can't remember."

"Too bad," Neela lied, "maybe it's best though."

"What's that supposed to mean?" he asked, "do you know something I don't?"

"No, of course not," she said regretting opening her mouth.

"Neela, if I did or said something I shouldn't have please tell me." He insisted, "I sometimes do stupid stuff when I'm drunk, I need to know whether I owe any apologies."

"Not as far I know," she said, "I have to go to work now, I'll see you there later."

"Yeh, later," Ray said as she left the apartment with the distinct impression she was still hiding something from him.

'**I'll ask Abby, she knows everything.'**

XXXX

"You're in early," Neela smiled as Ray arrived,

"I'm on time," he said looking at his watch,

"Exactly," she teased,

"Very funny," he laughed, as Abby looked at them warily, Neela had asked her to stop being so watchful earlier but she wasn't having any of it.

"I'm just gonna put my stuff away, find me a good chart," he winked at Neela,

"Can I talk to you for a sec?" he said quietly to Abby as he walked to the locker room, causing Neela's heart to constrict. She looked at Abby and sent out a silent plea,

'**Don't say anything!'** She knew that Ray was trying to find out what was wrong with her; she'd have to think of a good excuse and fast.

Hanging up his jacket, he turned to face Abby who was acting weird around him.

"Do you know what's really wrong with Neela? She's been acting really weird lately."

Abby bit her tongue to stop her from saying what was really on her mind,

"No idea, just having a bad couple of days I guess." She lied,

Ray looked at her quizzically, that sounded far too much like what Neela had said to him about Abby for his liking.

"Okay, now you're both hiding things from me. I'm gonna find out what's going on Abby, it'd be much easier if you just told me,"

"Look Ray, I made a promise, I'm not about to break it, if you want to know Neela has to be the one to tell you." Abby said,

"So there definitely is something wrong then?" he asked, trying to think back, he couldn't remember doing anything to upset her, but he _was_ missing a whole night.

'**God what did I do?'**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

"Okay, good trauma guys," Luka said as he stripped of his gloves and left Ray, Neela and Abby in the trauma room.

'**This is my chance,**' Ray thought as he positioned himself in front of the door they were headed to,

"Ray, what are you doing? We need to get by." Abby said she knew where this was going and didn't want to be involved.

"Not yet," he said calmly, "not until you two tell me what's going on."

"Ray, come on," Neela said trying to get passed him, "we have to go,"

"No Neela," he insisted, 'not this time,'

"No," Neela said trying to hide the panic in her voice as she headed to the other door,

"Neela, please," he asked, the need in his words fusing her to the floor,

'**Think Neela, think.'**

She turned to face him and folded her arms; Abby looked between them and wished she'd kept her mouth shut.

"What are you hiding from me?" he asked as he walked closer to her,

"Nothing," she said faking sincerity, "I've just been a bit shaken, that's all."

"Don't lie to me," he said a bit more forcefully as Abby slipped out of the room, this was none of her business and she knew it.

"Ray please, don't do this," she pleaded as she walked away,

"Tell me," he asked as she walked away,

"No," she whispered,

"Please," he said grabbing her arm, triggering a memory in Neela, causing her words to be harsher than she anticipated,

"I said No Ray?" she shouted as she yanked her arm away,

'_No Ray!'_

The words echoed in the room as images flashed before his eyes, Neela up against a wall, him touching her the way he shouldn't, he felt revulsion as he remembered what he had said to her and despair as he realised that the image he had seen in his dream was real.

Neela saw the look of horror in his eyes and knew what he was thinking,

"Ray," she whispered as he backed away from her,

"Oh god," he mumbled as his head swam, he looked at the floor unable to meet her eyes, scared of the hatred he thought must be waiting for him there,

'**I have to get out of here!'**

He rushed past her and out of the door as she called out to him,

"Ray, wait. Please." She yelled but he didn't stop,

"I take it he remembered," Abby said, finally feeling a little sorry for him, maybe Neela was right, it was an accident.

"I have to go after him," Neela said, "We have to talk,"

"Go, I'll cover for you."

"Thanks,' she called behind her as she followed the path Ray had taken, but it was too late, he was gone.

'**I'll go home and wait, he has to come home sometime.'**

XXXX

The bitter wind cut through Ray as he wandered the streets trying to get the images out of his head, every time he saw one he felt sick, he'd thrown up god knows how many times since he'd left the hospital.

He wanted to go and get drunk to drown them out, but each time that thought entered his head he reminded himself that drink was the reason he had hurt the most important person in his life. The one person who had always been there for him, cared about him….. _trusted_ him. He closed his eyes to hold back the tears and disgust, he'd violated that trust in the most awful way, he'd make her uncomfortable in her own home, he had tried to force her to……. the thought was too awful to finish.

'**How could I treat her like that, I'm not like that…….am I?'** he thought, doubting his very character, loathing himself.

It was cold and it looked like it would rain soon, but he couldn't go home, he couldn't face her, so he kept walking, with shame and guilt powering each step he made, he could walk for a lifetime.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Ray pushed the apartment door open as quietly as he could, waking Neela was the last thing he wanted to do. After hours of avoiding the apartment and drifting from one coffee shop to another he decided to brave the journey home, he had to do it sometime.

His eyes glanced over to her closed door, fear rushing through him as he realised she could come through it and find him at any minute, so he headed to his room, his sanctuary. Neela had never gone in there, she'd stood at the doorway many times, just like he had done at hers but neither had crossed the threshold into the other's personal domain.

He didn't bother turning on the light, he didn't want to be able to see himself or the shame that was radiating from him. He just stood in the darkness, not knowing what to do……

"Where have you been?" came a voice from the darkness, "I've been waiting all night."

"Neela?" he asked jumping slightly, and backing away from her, "What are you doing in here?"

"I was worried about you and I knew that as soon as you got back you'd avoid me. I figured this would be the best place to find you." She said standing up and walking towards him.

"You didn't have to worry about me," he said stepping back again so his back was against the door as if he was ready to run, "You should be glad that I wasn't here." He said his voice filled with self-pity.

"What?" Neela asked, "Ray….." she said reaching out to him,

"Don't touch me," he said moving out of her reach, he didn't trust himself anymore.

"Ray come on, this is ridiculous. We can't live like this," Neela sighed,

"I know," he said finally looking at her, before turning back and getting a suitcase from under his bed,

"What are you doing?" Neela asked, her voice filled with fear,

'**He can't leave.'**

"I'm leaving," he said quietly looking at the floor,

"No!" she said firmly, "I am not letting one stupid accident ruin what we had. I don't blame you. You're staying." She added trying to pull the case away from him,

"Let go," he pleaded, "please, I have to go."

"Why?" she asked, "when neither of us want you to."

He looked her in the eyes and was surprised that he didn't see disgust there but didn't answer her,

'**How can she forgive me?"**

"Ray! Tell me why."

"Because I love you too much to risk hurting you again," he whispered, tears filling his eyes,

Neela stepped back in shock at his admission of love, she would have called him on it, but now wasn't the time.

"How can you forgive me when I can't forgive myself?" he cried, "I hurt you, I……" he stopped. He sat down on the bed and held his head in his hands; Neela sat next to him and put her arms around him. He just sat there, seemingly unaware that she was even in the room,

"I'm so sorry," he whispered finally as he rested his head on her shoulder, "so sorry….." his voice trailed off into nothing,

Neela lay next to him in the darkness for what seemed like hours, but in reality was only minutes,

"You can go," he said, "I mean you don't have to….." he stopped not really knowing what he wanted to say,

"You're not getting rid of me that easily," she smiled,

"Please go," he whispered, his words filled with pain, he wanted her to stay with him but couldn't bare the constant reminder of what he had done.

"Ray, please don't push me away," she said as she put a hand on his arm.

She flinched slightly as he moved and cursed herself as she saw the look in his eyes,

"I'm sorry," she said, "I didn't mean to."

"You're not the one that has to be sorry. It's okay to be afraid of me, I hate it, but I have only myself to blame. I can't stay here, not like this." He said walking away from her again.

Neela stood up and positioned herself so that Ray was between her and a wall with no where to go, he had to listen to her.

"I'm not afraid of you. I won't lie to you….. I was. You really scared me." She whispered,

Ray looked at the floor unable to meet her eyes as he was overcome with guilt,

"But," she continued, "I'm not anymore, I want to move past this, we need to move past this. You're my best friend and I don't want to loose you."

Ray's eyes filled with tears again at her words and he couldn't find anything to say knowing he didn't deserve her as a friend. As he let a tear drop from his eye, Neela wrapped her arms around him again and lay him back down.

"We've both been through a lot," she said as she stroked the back of his neck, "we need to sleep,"

Neela looked down at him when she got no answer and her heart melted all over again, he was asleep, the stress of the day finally taking its toll. She leaned into him gently and positioned him on the bed as well as she could. She thought about leaving but was worried how it might seem if he woke up alone, so she lay down next to him and stared at the ceiling for what seemed like hours.

'**What are we going to do?'**

"I love you too," she whispered into the darkness remembering his words, knowing that actually saying it to him would be a lot harder. Even if she had the courage too she had the feeling he wouldn't let her, not now.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Here is the last chapter, thanks for reading. Hope you all stick around for my next fic which will be coming along soon.**

Chapter 7

Ray awoke to the feeling of a dead arm; or rather, he woke up not able to feel his arm at all. He looked down and saw a head of dark hair where it should have been, his heart almost stopped as his head processed what was going on,

'**She stayed with me,'**

He ran his hand through her hair and brushed it out of her eyes, his eyes traced the curve of her neck, down her arm and stalled as soon as he saw the bandage on her hand. Snapping harshly back to the reality of the situation he moved slowly off the bed and packed his things, despite what she might have said, one day she _would_ blame him, one day she would see him for the kind of person he could be and he couldn't face that.

Leaning down he kissed her gently on the cheek praying she didn't wake up until he had left, he felt bad about leaving her but he knew he couldn't stay.

"Goodbye roomie," he whispered as he left her sleeping on his bed, not missing the irony of it. He had left many a woman there before, but this was the first time he hadn't wanted to.

XXXX

Neela awoke to an empty bed a few hours later and sighed, she'd been half expecting it but the reality of it crushed her when she realized that he hadn't just left the room, he had left the apartment, all his clothes were gone. She smiled slightly through her pain, even when Ray was feeling sorry for himself, with good reason this time, he was stubborn, you couldn't talk him out of anything. She looked around the room properly for the first time and smiled at all the objects that were undeniably Ray. Her observation stopped when she saw his guitar sitting in the corner, she smiled slightly,

'**He can't have been that dead set on leaving if he left that behind.'**

XXXX

Neela's knuckles were sore from all the banging on the door, she'd been there for what seemed like hours, she knew he was there and she wasn't giving in. She knew that Ray had the day off, the same as here, their plan of opposite shifts had lasted about a week, so she had gone to the one place she knew Ray would be.

"Bret! I know he's here and that you're both trying to avoid me, so stop playing silly buggers and open the bloody door!" she yelled, "Don't make me tell Ray what you did to his guitar."

She smiled smugly as the door opened immediately,

"I never touched his guitar," Bret said,

"I know," she smiled, "but it made you open the door." She said pushing past him,

"You know you're very British when you get mad," Bret grinned, "It's cute."

Neela glared at him and crossed her arms,

"Okay I take it back." He laughed heading to the door, "If you'll excuse me, I'll leave you guys to it. I don't know what's going on and I have a feeling it'll be safer if it stays that way."

Neela stared around Bret's apartment; it was much tidier than she'd imagined considering the die-hard rocker that he was.

'**Must've had a girl over' **

"I never pegged Bret as a traitor," Ray said as he saw her standing in the hallway,

"I threatened him," she smiled as she turned around. His hair was mussed as if he'd been sleeping and his eyes looked dull and tired, this wasn't the Ray she knew.

"Oh, well that explains it then." He said…… "What are you doing here?"

"You really need me to answer that?" she said matter of factly, "You know why I'm here, you know what I want. I'm not leaving until I get it."

"Then I will," he said grabbing his jacket,

Neela followed him to the door, getting there just before he did blocking his path,

"Neela, please move,"

"No, not until we talk about this." She said staring him down,

"Neela, move or I'll……" he stopped himself,

"You'll what Ray? You'll do nothing, because right now you're more afraid to touch me than you are of anything else."

Ray stepped back, her words really hitting home, he was afraid to touch her, he didn't want to be but he couldn't help it.

"You're right," he said, "I am afraid. I don't trust myself not to hurt you, that's why I have to stay away."

Neela just shook her head and walked up to him, he started to back away again but she grabbed his t-shirt.

"No Ray," she said standing as close to him as possible, "You don't have to be afraid. _I_ trust you, what happened was an accident, it wasn't really you."

"How can you….." he started.

"Sssh, I haven't finished. I can't imagine what you must be feeling but I know that no matter what I say you'll probably _keep_ feeling it. Neither one of us is ever going to forget this, but we have to move past it."

Ray looked down at her and bit his lip nervously, guilt still overpowering all his other emotions,

"How can you say it wasn't me?" he asked, "I was there, I knew what I was doing but I didn't stop."

"You may have been there, but it wasn't you. You would never hurt me on purpose, we both know that."

"I know but….." he began,

"Would you stop it?" Neela asked exasperated,

"Stop what?" he asked confused,

"Trying to find faults in everything I say. I can't keep this up anymore, how many times do you want me to say it? I forgive you, I don't blame you, I'm not afraid you…………… I love you."

The last part of her speech caught him off guard and he didn't know what to do.

"What?" he mumbled,

'**Oh yeh, that was eloquent.'**

"I love you," she repeated,

"You can't," he said, confirming Neela thoughts the night before, "not after what I did,'

"After it, before it….. during it." She smiled, "I loved you each and every one of those times and I love you now. But if you can't get past this then we'll never work."

They just stood in silence, he was afraid to say it and she was afraid he wouldn't. He took a step forward and took her bandaged hand in his,

"I love you too, I think that was why I stayed away from you and went after girls like….." he stopped, saying her name would ruin the moment, "I didn't think I was good enough for you, I still don't and I didn't want to hurt you….. in any way, but I still managed to do it."

Neela looked up at him and ran her free hand across his cheek,

"Don't say that again. You're more than good enough for me, I ………" Neela was cut off as Ray leaned forward and kissed her, a surge of bravery pushing him forward. Neela responded quickly putting her arms around him and pulling him towards her. Ray pulled back breathless and bowed his head, resting it gently against hers.

"I'm sor……" he began,

"Sssh," she said putting a finger against his lips, "from now on what happened is in the past. I never want to bring it up again," she whispered,

"But….."

"Never,' she told him cupping his face in her hands as he nodded.

He ran his hands down her arms to her waist and pulled her close for another kiss and lost all sense of time and place,

"Jeez guys," Bret said shielding his eyes as he came through his door, "You've got your own apartment, do you have to violate mine?" he teased,

Ray dipped his head and smiled into Neela's shoulder,

"What are you doing back?" he asked,

"Oh what gratitude!" he laughed, "I forgot my wallet, now I'm leaving again. I expect you to be gone when I get back," he smiled as he shut the door.

"For once I agree with him," Neela smiled, "Let's go home," she said extending her hand.

Ray smiled, not afraid to touch her anymore, in fact he couldn't wait to touch more than just her hand, but he knew that they had a lot of ground to re-build before that happened. Ray looked at her, thankful for a second chance; walking out of the apartment with Neela, he closed the door on Bret's apartment and opened one to a new chapter in his life.

The end


	8. Epilogue

Epilogue

**A/N: Written especially for and at the request of cherryblossom02, hope you all like it. **

Ray lay next to Neela in her bed, amazed that she had allowed him in there, let alone her heart after what he had done.

He told himself to stop thinking, that he'd promised her he'd move on but he didn't know how he could face work tomorrow. Abby knew, Neela hadn't told him but it was obvious after the way she'd been giving him the cold shoulder for days and know he knew why.

'**God, what must she think of me?'**

"Ray?" Neela whispered as he watched her, "get some sleep."

"How did you know I was awake?" he asked,

"If I told you I'd have to kill you," she laughed,

"Well, I wouldn't want that," he said kissing her as she smiled,

She closed her eyes and pulled him on top of her, he buried his face in her neck as she wrapped her legs around him and ran her hands up his back under his shirt.

She pushed his shoulders back gently so that he was looking at her again and started to move his shirt up his body, her intentions clear.

He stilled her hands and looked away, "I…….."he started before looking at her again, "Are you sure you want this?" he asked, not wanting her to regret anything, "We don't have to rush anything…… I mean you don't have to…… we can wait until you…… '**trust me'**" his mind finished but he knew better than to say it, she had told him already that she did, but believing it was harder than he'd imagined.

"I've waited almost two years Ray, I couldn't be more sure." she whispered as she held his face in her hands.

Ray couldn't hold back a smile as she told him that she had wanted him for so long,

"I know they say that saying this at this kind of moment," he said gesturing to the way the were lying, "means that it's not true….. but I love you."

"I know you do," she smiled; this was a side of Ray she had never expected to see, she knew it must exist deep down but she didn't think he would ever show her. "I love yo……" she started but was cut off as Ray covered her lips with his.

He ran his hands up her sides and under her back lifting her body up to his as she arched under his touch. She pulled his shirt over his head and he sighed as her warm hands touched him, he never knew that it could be like this, finally he was really 'making love' rather than whatever he had with his groupies, with…….. he stopped, he wasn't going to ruin this by thinking her name.

As Neela rolled him over so that she was above him, the scent of her hair filling his senses, she was his world….. and it stood still.

XXXX

Ray released Neela's hand as the ambulance bay came in sight before them causing Neela to stop as he walked on,

"What are you doing?" he asked,

"I could ask you the same question." She said as he walked back to her,

"What?" he asked confused,

"You let go of my hand. Are you embarrassed to be seen with me or something?" she asked,

"Hell no!" he said, "how could you think that?"

"Then what is it?" she questioned,

"Nothing," he said trying to brush her off,

"Okay then," she said extending her hand to him but he wouldn't take it,

"Ray," she sighed, "I'm not doing this."

"Doing what?" he asked, scared that she was breaking up with him already,

"Keeping us a secret because you're afraid of what people will say. You're with me or you're not, no in-between." She explained,

"I'm not afraid…….of people," he mumbled the last words,

"Abby?" Neela asked,

"If she sees us together she won't be happy," he said, "she's worried about you and I don't blame her,"

"Not this again," Neela sighed,

"That's easy for you to say Neela, you're not the one that has to live with the guilt of what they did. How can I face her knowing she knows what I did?" he said exasperated, she just didn't understand.

"I don't know Ray but we said we weren't going to bring this up again," she said remembering what had happened at Brett's.

"No," he countered, "You said,"

"Fine Ray, if you want to dwell on the past and be afraid of what Abby thinks for the rest of your life, do it. But you'll have to do it without me because your guilt is killing us."

Ray contemplated her words as she walked away, he'd screwed up again and there was only one way to fix it….. he had to talk to Abby.

XXXX

"Abby," he said taking her arm, "I need to talk to you,"

"I'm kind of busy, can this wa……."

"I know you know," he said looking in her eyes,

"Then I guess no it _can't_ wait then," she said following him to an empty exam room,

They just stood staring at each other, neither knowing what to do,

"I had this all planned," he said running a hand through his hair, "but now……"

"It's ok Ray. You don't have to say anything; I know what happened was an accident. If Neela can forgive you so can I, it really doesn't have anything to do with me."

"Yes it does," he said, "I need you to hear it from me, I need you to know that I will never hurt her again, that I love her……"

"Well I kind of figured that from the way you were holding hands on the El this morning," she smiled, "Yeh I saw you," she added at his shocked look,

"You're not mad?" he asked,

"Mad? Why would I be mad? My two closest friends have finally got their act together." She explained, "I'm happy for you both."

"I thought you'd be worried, that you'd want her to be with someone safe, who would take care of her." Ray said,

"I do," Abby answered,

"Oh," he said feeling dejected,

"And I can't think of anyone better qualified than you," she smiled, "It's obvious how much she means to you and I know that you would never let what happened before happen again, so there's no need to worry…. Is there?" she asked as Ray looked as broody as before.

"I think I just ruined the best thing I ever had because I couldn't stop _worrying_ about ruining it." Ray sighed before bolting out the door to find Neela,

Abby smiled as she looked at the floor and shook her head,

'**That guy is hopeless,'**

XXXX

Neela was on the roof when he found her, he laughed to himself as wondered why he hadn't looked there first.

"Hey," he said,

"Hi," she answered,

"Look I'm ……" they said simultaneously,

"Sorry," Neela laughed nervously, "you first,"

Ray walked towards her and pulled her into a kiss without saying a word, knowing if he spoke he'd say something stupid,

"Hmm, that pretty much covers it," he smiled,

"I see," she smirked, "Um, you know, I was a little unsure of some of that, could you repeat it?"

"I'm sure I could manage it," he grinned as he held her to him, his actions finally in his past as he lost himself in the future.

The end


End file.
